Saturday, May 3, 2008


School is almost over...again. One more year for me, and then I'm done until I decide to go to graduate school. If I decide to go to graduate school. Should I go to graduate school??????

School, what a joke. I have been at Illinois State University three years now and have learned almost nothing except how to bullshit, everything. That is a good skill to have in this world, though. After graduating, I can probably bullshit my way into a well paying job if I want to. Or I could bullshit my way into graduate school. Or I could bullshit my way into some girls heart (that's just mean I shouldn't do that). Bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit what the fuck am I writing this for? I need to go bullshit my way through an advanced exposition portfolio to get an "A."

I need to get into things that I don't already know how to bullshit my way through. For instance, my legal writing allowed for no bullshitting. I actually had to learn how to write as a lawyer. It was a challenge and I'm very glad I took that class. But alas, it's over now and I shall return to the normal life of an English major.

Next year I am in my first 300 level class; it will be one of two that I will take in college before I get my degree. It's a women's literature class, Women in Literature 360 to be specific. That should be fun. I hope I can't simply bullshit my way through that or I will have lost all faith in the education system at ISU. More men should take women's literature classes. Because, men need to have a voice in women's issues. Not because men are all controlling assholes or anything like that, but because in order to have an open discussion about any issue it is best to have different perspectives on these issues. Women have gotten fucked out of many things over the past--forever--by men. But, it was not this man, and there are many other men like me.

Well, this rant successfully went from the topic of school being over soon all the way to a gender discussion. The latter I will return to at another time. The former I will probably come back to as well.

I've got too much to say sometimes.

peace and much love

Thursday, May 1, 2008

truth and lies and fact and fiction

This man knows what he's talking about:
"I simply stopped speaking of truths when my truths no longer sounded triumphant"
--from She by Saul Williams
Because the truth is never as triumphant as the fictional worlds we can create. Now this real world that we live in is growing farther and farther from triumphant, with every war, with every murder, with every company dumping their pollutants into our world, with every...thing. Every day it slowly kills us all.
Since reality is closer to hell than it is to heaven, I often escape to a fictional world where the only problems that exist are the ones that I choose to formulate. Greed and hate and everything they create only exist in the notebook, or computer screen, world that I have built and then hidden in. This is why I do not spend more time reading non-fiction, or the news for that matter. Although being familiar with the world around you and what is going on in this said world is important to know and stay up to date on, I try my best to do more escaping to, and existing in the worlds that myself--and others--have created.
Whenever I go to a news website, or change the channel on a T.V. set to a news station, I read and hear about almost nothing but people dying, women getting raped, and people who need jobs but cannot find them because of the practically non-existent job market.
On the other hand, in the fictional worlds I all too often (or is it not often enough?) escape to these things do not have to exist, and when I let them exist it is only in my head. This is why I read fiction. This is why I write stories and poetry. Because, in the fictional realm anything can happen, while at the same time it is not really happening in the realm that is real life. No one really gets killed. No one really gets raped. No one really needs to find a job in order to eat.
Call me selfish if you'd like. I care about real issues, more than most actually, but sometimes they're just too much to deal with. Sometimes real life is too overwhelmingly depressing and hopeless. And, when that is the case, I at least have an escape route. When I return I will be recharged and ready to do my small part to make real life better, for everyone.

peace and much love